Evaluation: I think I really finished my writing to the best standard I could. I think I learned a lot about using descriptive words and paragraphs in my writing to hook the reader. I think I achieved my goal. I also used a new template to help plan my writing. I think that new plan helped me a lot and gave me options of what I was going to write about.
Great job Rosalind you have used lots of descriptive words to add lots of impact. Next time I think that you could add a range of short and long sentences. Great job I love your writing! Hannah K:)
The Learning: We have been learning to use descriptive words to hook the reader. I have also been learning to put paragraphs, so that it is easy to read. My Goal is to use a different plan to help create my writing and get the main points. I have used a mountain plan this time and it helped a lot because it helped me think more about what the problem was going to be and planning a beginning, middle and end. Beneath is my writing that is the finished piece. There is also a picture of the mountain plan.
Earlier outside the house, the tabby cat was smoking. The bird sat on the trampoline, planning his revenge. Not long ago the bird had jumped as something hit his side. A burn ran all through his body. He knew who had done it, straight away. It was time for payback.
Swooping down came the bird, he was yelling " HELP, HELP "! Gian slippers came stomping and big hairy hands came and picked up the cat and shoved the cat in the cage.
Now the cat was in the cage with the bird perched proudly on top. The key was trapped in the birds beak. The cat's ears flattened and his tail flicked sharply every second. There was a smell like a heater burning dust, and smoke was appearing around the corner of the wall.
The bird screeched and dropped the key. It made a clanking noise as it hit the glass table.
But there wa still a problem. The cat could not pick up the key to open the heavy metal padlock. BANG the kitchen door closed and the bird passed through the window with a wink.